A Musical Malady
by Kate Darkflint
Summary: what the bloody hell was that' 'harry and ron...singing.' WHAT'S HAPPENING AT HOGWARTS!
1. FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD!

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the magical world of Harry Potter, or the amazing songs from Broadway.

Warnings: this chapter contains mild language in the form of the f-bomb. If you prefer not to read that word, well, I'm sure you can think of a suitable replacement. Toodles! – Caity Wood

Current Pairings: HarryGinny, RonHermione

**Chapter One: Food, Glorious, Food!**

"Hurry, hurry, hurry! We're hungry!" Harry and Ron cried. Their girlfriends, Ginny and Hermione, ran after them, breathing heavily.

"Honestly, Ron! It's one meal; you could do with missing one or two." Hermione huffed.

"Are you implying that I'm fat?!" Ron cried. Ginny giggled.

"Really, Harry. I know the Hogwarts food is good, but I never knew you were so obsessed with it."

"Gin, after three straights months of the Dursley's, you come to appreciate the good in wizardry." He pulled Ginny closer to him and kissed the top of her head.

"Aww. That's sweet." Hermione hit Ron. "How come you're never sweet like that?" Ron rubbed his arm where she had struck him. _Bloody witch hits hard!_

"Maybe it's because I'm hungry, woman! Let's go, I'm starvin' over here!" Harry got a strange look on his face. Ginny poked him, and he began singing.

"Is it worth the waiting for?

If I live till eighty four

All I ever got was gru-el!

Everyday I said my prayer

'Will they change the bill of fare?'

Still I got the same old gru-el!" Ron joined him as Ginny and Hermione stood side by side, their jaws hanging open in shock.

"There's not a crust, not a crumb, can we find

Can we beg, can we borrow or cadge?

But there's nothing to stop us from getting our thrill

When we both close our eyes and ima-gine…

FOOD! GLORIOUS FOOD!

Hot sausage and mustard!

While we're in the mood,

Cold jelly and custard!

Peas, pudding and saveloys

What next is the question?

Rich gentlemen have it, boys:

IN-DI-GEST-ION!"

Ginny and Hermione shook their heads at their ridiculous boyfriends, and stepped into the Great Hall with the Musical Duo behind them. The girls' mouths hung open in shock.

All the Hogwarts males in the vicinity, professors included, were singing about their love of food.

"FOOD! GLORIOUS FOOD!

We're anxious to try it!

Three banquets a day,

Our favourite diet!

Just picture a great big steak—

Fried, roasted or stewed.

Oh, food!

Wonderful food!

Marvellous food!

Glorious food!" Now all the men and boys stood up, dancing with their plates, swapping them for others. Ginny stared while Hermione looked pale.

"FOOD! GLORIOUS FOOD!

What is there more handsome?

Gulped, swallowed or chewed,

Still worth a king's ransom!

What is it we dream about,

What brings on a sigh?

Piled peaches and cream, about

Six feet high!

FOOD! GLORIOUS FOOD!

Eat right through the menu,

Just loosen your belt

Two inches and then you

Work up a new appetite

In this interlude—

The FOOD!

Once again, FOOD!

Fabulous food

Glorious food!

FOOD! GLORIOUS FOOD!

Don't care what it looks like-

Burned! Underdone! Crude!

Don't care what the cooks like!

Just thinking of growing fat

Our senses go reeling.

One moment of knowing that

FULL-UP FEELING!

FOOD! GLORIOUS FOOD!

What wouldn't we give for

That extra bit more!

That's all that we live for.

Why should we be fated to

Do nothing but brood?

On Food,

Magical food

Wonderful food

Marvellous food

Fabulous food--" Harry become prominent among the singers.

"Beautiful food!" The rest of the males joined him again, Ron standing with him on top of the Gryffindor table.

"GLORIOUS FOOD!!"

Ginny stared at Hermione for a moment as the boy's satisfied groans echoed through the Hall.

"What the bloody fuck was that?"

Hermione sat silently; she was, for once, speechless. Ginny continued to herself.

"I mean, I enjoy a musical interlude from every time to time. Who doesn't? But seeing my brother and boyfriend singing, not to mention Dumbledore and Snape doing the Can-Can on the teacher's table is just wrong! I mean seriously- MMPH!"

Hermione pushed Ginny's face into her plate.

"Gin, please. Shut up."

Song- **Food, Glorious Food** from **Oliver!**

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	2. THE HOGWARTS TALENT SHOW

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the magical world of Harry Potter, or the amazing songs from Broadway.

Warnings: Be prepared to be very confused. This story will be all over the bloody place. The pairings will change soon… who likes Blaise and Draco?

Current Pairings: HarryGinny, RonHermione

**Chapter Two: ****The Hogwarts Talent Show**

Ginny, Hermione, and various other Hogwarts students stood behind a large curtain in the Great Hall.

"Ginny, I can't believe I let you talk me into this!" Hermione screeched. Ginny clapped her hand over Hermione's mouth.

"Mione, shut it! You were willing to do this the other day! You have a lovely voice, and you're a… decent dancer. Be grateful you don't have to be the main dancer for the final act." She growled, not unlike a dog, as the final act's singer stepped behind her.

"Ready, Weaslette, Granger?" Draco Malfoy drawled. He laid his hands on Ginny's shoulders and she elbowed him in the gut.

"I'm just glad I didn't have to practice with you. You'll probably make me look bad."

"I couldn't do that to you," he said silkily, admiring her in her faded jeans and tight midriff top. "You look good in green, Weaslette."

"I have a first name" she hissed.

"Fine then, Ginevra."

She sneered at turned away. She heard Professor Dumbledore step onto the stage and welcome everyone to Hogwarts' first annual Talent Show. He announced the first act.

"Please welcome Miss Hermione Granger! She will be singing, Let's Hear It for The Boy." Hermione stepped shakily onto the stage. She was wearing a gold sweater with a scarlet H in the corner, showing her Gryffindor pride, paired with a short black skirt and ankle boots.

"My baby, he don't talk sweet

He ain't got much to say-ay-ay

But he loves me, loves me, loves me

I know that he loves me anyway.

And maybe he don't dress fine

But I don't really mi-i-ind

'Cause every time he pulls me near

I just wanna cheer!

Let's hear it for the boy!

Let's give the boy a hand.

Let's hear it for my baby!

You know you got to understand.

Whoa, maybe he's no Romeo,

But he's my lovin' one man show

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Let's hear it for the boy!"

She started dancing during the musical interlude, releasing her inner self and closing the bookworm deep inside.

"My baby may not be rich,

He's watchin' every dime.

But he loves me, loves me, loves me,

We always have a real good time.

And maybe he sings off-key

But that's alright by me-e-e

'Cause what he does he does so well

Makes me wanna yell!" Hermione stepped off the stage, still singing, and making her way toward where Ron was sitting.

"Let's hear it for the boy!

Let's give the boy a hand.

Let's hear it for my baby,

You know you got to understand.

Maybe he's no Romeo,

But he's my lovin' one man show

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Let's hear it for the boy!

Maybe he's no Casanova,

Still his kisses knock me ova-ah

Hear it for the boy

Let's give the boy a hand

Let's hear it for my baby

You know you got to understand.

Oh, he don't score at Bowl-A-Rama

Still you got to thank his Mama!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Let's hear it for the boy!

Hear it for my ma-an!

Hear it for my baby!" Thunderous applause echoed through the Hall, although some were quiet out of shock; namely, Blaise Zabini. He hadn't known the bookworm could do that… and she looked so tantalizing in that sweater…

He shook his head to snap himself out of it, and the rest of the hall went on to watch the rest of the lackluster acts. Then, Miss Ginny Weasley was announced, singing I Speak Six Languages. She stepped out onto the stage and smiled. She wore tight, low riding faded blue jeans with a dark green midriff top that shimmered like emeralds when she moved. The top itself ended just below her ribcage, and extra fabric pooled in a triangle to her navel. It covered to her throat, with a keyhole cut in the front, zipping up in the back.

"I really do speak six languages. I'm just modest." The audience laughed appreciatively, and Ginny began her song.

"I speak six languages,

Every language easy,

Easy as the recipe for mixing potions.

I speak six languages,

And I can say 'hello'

In at least seven more.

To excel in athletics is not difficult if one has the temperament,

Apparently,

I have the temperament.

Yes I score some goals

So unfazed am I

As my life Unscrolls

Unamazed am I

I don't like to brag

And I won't 'cause I don't have to

But

I Speak Six Languages

All star of Quidditch

And anything I do

I do without getting sore

I Speak Six Languages

And I like the song called "This Witch"

Though I play Mozart more

I achieve my goals

So unfazed am I

As my life unscrolls

Unamazed am I

Winning is a job

And I get no real enjoyment

But

Je peux parler six langues

Carda idio maes simple

Jerro oh yo no reshipe no yesashesades

Ja gavaru shetz yatzukim

V'ani yodat shalom

Im noch mindesterns sieben mehr

I speak six languages

I am sick and tired

Of always being the best

And the brightest at every class.

Six lousy languages

And for my height I'm the lightest,

Of the girls in my class.

I know six languages…

That's one, two, three, four, five…

SIX!"

Applause echoed again through the hall, and Draco raised an elegant eyebrow from backstage. _So, Weaslette is good at looking good, and singing. She's actually rather… pretty._

"Please welcome to the stage, Mr. Draco Malfoy, singing Ladies' Choice, with his dancers; Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger, Padma Patil, Luna Lovegood, Pansy Parkinson, Daphne Greengrass, Hannah Abbott, and Susan Bones."

The girls had changed into outfits similar to Ginny's, all with different coloured shirts. Hermione's was red, Padma's purple, Luna's blue, Pansy's silver, Daphne's pink, Hannah's pearl, and Susan's orange. Draco grabbed the microphone, and Ginny slid up to him, prepared for her dancing solo.

"Hey little girl with the cash to burn,

I'm selling something you won't return.

Hey little girl take me off the shelf,

'Cause it's hard having fun playing with yourself.

Once you've browsed though the whole selection,

Shake those hips in my direction.

A prettier package you never did see,

Take me home and then unwrap me

Shop around, little darlin' I've got to be

The Ladies' Choice

The Ladies' Choice." Hermione fell out of step. Draco had a great voice! She bumped into Susan, who quickly turned her in the right direction.

"Hey little girl looking for a sale

Test drive this young English male.

Its gonna take cash to fill my tank

So let's crack open your piggy bank.

Hey little girl you're into shopping

I've got something traffic-stopping.

Hey little girl on a spending spree

I don't come cheap but the kisses come free.

On closer inspection, I'm sure that you'll agree,

I'm the Ladies' Choice

The Ladies' Choice." Ginny stepped forward again and did her dancing solo. Halfway into her dance, Draco grasped her around the waist and they started dancing together. The look on Ginny's face was priceless; she was shocked, but oh, was she enjoying it.

"OH! Hey little girl on a spending spree

I don't come cheap but the kisses come free

On closer inspection I'm sure that you'll agree

OH! Hey little girl listen to my plea

I come with a lifetime guarantee

One day maybe we'll find that baby makes three

It's the Ladies' Choice

I'm the Ladies' Choice

The Ladies' Choice

I'm the Ladies' Choice, choice, choice,

I'm the Ladies' Choice." Ginny and Draco stopped dancing, inches away from each other's face, breathing heavily.

"Wow," Ginny whispered.

"Impressed, Weaslette?" Draco grinned, then swept a kiss onto her cheek.

Dumbledore announced the winners.

"Third place goes to Miss Hermione Granger!

Second goes to Mister Draco Malfoy and his Dancers!

And first goes to Miss Ginny Weasley, for both the song, and her fabulous impromptu dance with Mister Malfoy!"

Ginny grinned and accepted her 100 Galleon prize, and her trophy. She hugged Draco and Hermione, along with her fellow dancers, and turned to wave to Harry and Ron.

They did NOT look happy.

Songs- **Let's Hear It for The Boy- Footloose (Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.)**

**I Speak Six Languages- The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee (seriously, go see this play if you get the chance! It's amazing! Unlucky-Duck will verify this fact!)**

**Ladies' Choice- Hairspray the Movie (does anyone else get warm-fuzzies while reading about dancing with Draco?? I'll trade places; Ginny can write the story as long as I can dance with Draco. Yummy.)**

**_Read and Review!!!_**


	3. LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the magical world of Harry Potter, or the amazing songs from Broadway.

Warnings: Be prepared to be very confused. This story will be all over the bloody place. The pairings will change soon… who likes Blaise and Draco?

Current Pairings: HarryGinny, RonHermione

**Chapter Three: Like Father, Like Son**

Draco glared at his father. Lucius hissed at him.

"You will get the mark! It is your destiny! Your mother-"

"Mother wouldn't want me to get the mark! She believed in the cause _against_ Voldemort. You had the Imperius Curse on her, but a few months ago, she was able to fight it off. She told me everything you'd done to her. Whippings, beatings, and other things that she couldn't even speak of because she was crying so hard! I can't believe I ever looked up to you."

Lucius hissed again.

"Don't come on so cocksure boy, you can't escape your genes

No point in feeling pure boy, your background intervenes

Listen good and listen straight, you're not the master of your fate

To this you must be reconciled, you'll always be your father's child

At times acclaimed, at times reviled

You'll wind up doing just what I've done

Like father, like son!"

Draco growled in response.

"Don't assume your vices get handed down the line

That a parent's blood suffices to condemn the child's design

I've done wrong, I can't deny, but at least I know that I

Shouldn't blame that on my stock, this may come as quite a shock

I'm no chip off any block, I wouldn't wish those words on anyone

Like father, like son!"

"Son you're nervous, take my hand

All is settled,all is planned

You've got the world at your command

I don't think you understand…"

Draco sang again. "I appreciate too well

The squalor at which you excel

it isn't very hard to tell

Evil's a distinctive smell." He took a deep breath. "I desire nothing for this lifestyle, father. The Weasley's, and Ginny, they-"

Lucius cut him off. "You'd rather go with the blood traitors, and the Weasley slag than follow in your father's footsteps?"

"…Yes." Draco's head disappeared from the fire.

Lucius called after him: "You can never hide! We will find you no matter what!" To himself, he sang.

"He's lost all sense of reason, and why?

Some foreign slut

That is the road called treason,

Some doors are slamming shut

Just like me he's found that flesh can excite but will enmesh

Once we rid him of this blight.

Once this harlot's out of sight.

Then I think he'll see the light.

He won't walk back to daddy he will run.

Like father, like son..."

**Song: Like Father, Like Son- Aida**

**Short, I know, but the last chapter was really long.**

**READ AND REVIEW!!**


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